Csukornya

Hi guys, I've had this 2006 3.3 petrol automatic Grand Voyager for two months. Since I bought it, the remote locking would sometimes not work for the first few presses of the fob, or sometimes even for a minute or two. I eventually bought new batteries, same thing. The windshield washer's been low (the light was telling me, but it was still coming) since I bought it as well, but a few days ago I bought a bottle and poured it in the next morning. I slept in the car the night before (in the mountains), and I tried to lock it from within the car with the fob, but it wouldn't work, so I just used the switch on the driver door to lock all the doors. Didn't make anything more of it then than it's been acting up since I bought it. So, the following morning, before leaving, I poured the washer fluid into the opening, but some wind blew some fluid onto some bits around it: it defo went into (or onto) the alternator, and on some wiring. Then when I tried to leave some time after, maybe 10 minutes, or 20, 30 (I can't recall whether I ate before or after pouring the fluid), the car would crank, and before firing it would just stop. I tried this a few times, and after maybe 5 times of trying, it simply wouldn't even crank, just a click from the body control module, and nothing. The dash lights wouldn't come on either. After being on the phone with RAC for half an hour, just after hanging up, I tried it one more time, and the car started. So I started driving back to town, and in about a minute, all lights on the dash came on at once, all the gauges went down to zero, but the car was still on, accelerating, indicating, power steering and braking, so I kept on driving. This was on Friday, and since then (for two days), it starts maybe once or twice a day, and when it does the lights and gauges sometimes act up similarly, sometimes not. Otherwise sometimes it cranks, other times, nothing at all. Oh yes, and the remote locking is in sync with the engine: when the engine starts, the remote locking works too, if the remote locking doesn't work, the engine won't either. The battery has been looked at, and it's fine, but also a lot of electronics work, so if I turn the key, the engine won't start, but the headlights come on (regardless of the position of its knob), radio comes on, climate control (not heating of course, as no engine), windows work, interior lights work, etc. I don't know what's connected, or whether it's just a total coincidence. We live in Wales, and I'm just up in Scotland for a while, kind of ready to go home, but I'm stuck now. And I don't want to take it to a garage, as they charge so much for even looking at it, and I have a feeling this would be a simple fix - cleaning the residue of the washer fluid from the alternator maybe? Or some website suggested it may be the instrument cluster, and then it's just a coincidence with the washer fluid? Or was it the fact that I drove up in the mountains, shaky roads, some wiring finally came loose after being on the way of coming loose for a while? Anyone any similar experiences or ideas, suggestions? Thank you!